We received the following question on our “Forum”: “I lost my husband 5 months ago… but the real pain of losing him didn’t set in till month 4. Why is that? I feel my mind and emotions are playing tricks on me.” Great question! Many people can identify about similar experience after a loss. How many times have we gone to the funeral of a friend, and been AMAZED at “How Well” the family seems to be doing, perhaps even commending them on how well they seem to be “handling it”. But in fact often after a death, and the initial impact, people feel quite numb. Some describe this as shock or denial, but actually it is our human defense mechanism which “shuts down” until we can marshal our resources to face the sad reality of what has occurred. The problem is that many often confuse “numbness” with “strength”. How many times have we heard people commend the grieving person for being “SO STRONG”? And YES, they are strong.  But here is the dilemma. When numbness is replaced by this emotional avalanche, some of the people who thought you were “strong” (when you were really NUMB!) may now wonder, “What’s …

We found an interesting UK statistic this week. Of all the “hits” we receive on our Grief Journey websites in the UK, 80% come in on Grief Journey.com, and a mere 20% go to Grief Journey.co.uk. We constructed that site specifically for the UK market thinking it would seem less “American” ( a comment we get sometimes from a few!! ) I am just interested to know if people in the UK think we should offer BOTH sites (.com AND .co.uk) or if everyone would be happy if we just went with the one site, .com. It is the same material after all, we are just using British images on the .co.uk. site Interested in your opinion on this matter. Answers on a postcard please! (Remember that??) OR maybe better, just e mail me at info@griefjourney.com and we will let you know the response and reactions. One way or another we are continuing to work towards offering unique and FREE bereavement resources in the UK that will lend support more effectively to more grieving people.  

Let’s think about anger. I believe that anger finds its root in feelings of helplessness or powerlessness. In our grief over a significant loss, we often question “why”. “Why did my loved one have to die? Why does my life have to be one of suffering and sorrow? Why is this happening to ME?” We feel anger because there are often no obvious answers to such questions, although many people try to suggest some with their clichés. But what has happened does not seem fair. Life is not always fair. Harold Kushner stated “why is not so much a question as a cry of pain.” When we are powerless to do anything to change the finality what has happened, finding more questions than answers, our response may be one of anger. Anger is most often a protest against any loss. The rage and resentment we feel is because we can do nothing to control or change the situation. This explains why we become irritable with friends and family: they cannot give us what we want most, the return of what or who we have lost. The greatest problem with anger is that it tends to be transferred to the wrong …

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